I visited Juanita-still in the nursing home

Here she is (on left) with Mom last year.

45 days after my Mom's funeral, Juanita is still healing from her fall. Yes, on the way to my Mom's funeral, she snapped her hip and fell down. She was rushed to the ER and had surgery on her broken hip.

She is still at Manor Care nursing home in Oak Lawn, Ill.

I had a wonderful one-on-one visit with her yesterday.

I will finish this later.......................

I Fed Daddy Today

How Do You Know If It's The Last Fathers Day?

When Dreams Become Nightmares

Early this morning, Dad called me into his room.

He asked me: “Where is Lorraine? I was just with her”.
He insisted they’d spent time together.
He wanted to know “what we are trying to pull on him”. He was implying she was really alive.
I told him he dreamt about her.
He said, “NO, it was not a dream. I talked with her, I hugged her, I WAS with her”.
I said: “I know Daddy, it was a dream”.
He wanted me to call her best friend, Estelle. (it was 730 AM)
Then he asked: “do you think the undertaker will know where she is? If she’s dead”?

I told him yes they know………….

He kept insisting he was supposed to meet Estelle at 10:00.

He called me back in and asked: “Why won’t you call”? I replied: “Call who”? He replied: “Lorraine”. I asked “how can I call her”? Then he said “call Clem, call Laverne, call Estelle”. He said “JUST call somebody please!!”.

I am at a loss for words.

It is heart wrenching.

Those vivid dreams can sometimes become nightmares.

Part II

Update:

Mildred (weekend caregiver) arrived and he had her to dial Aunt Estelle’s number.

I listened in as he informed her he knows the truth-he knows she knows where my Mom is. He is not stupid. He knows Lorraine faked her death so she could runoff with another man—her true love….it was a long confused talk. She could not hear him so I had to explain to my Mom’s 95-year old, childhood friend what he was alleging.

He also asked her to call the funeral home.

Later, Dad told Mildred he was grieving the loss of his wife.

Then he aked Mildred and I to go to the funeral home to find her.

He continued to ramble on nonsensically insisting he washed Moms hair yesterday, Moms friends were over, and I was standing in the closet.

Concerned, I contacted VITAS hospice. The nurse called back and prescribed an anti-anxiety narcotic for his hallucinations. I probably won’t be able to get him to take it.

It arrived two hours later (They move quickly—even on Sunday-Father’s Day)

Part III

Later:

Dad said some extremely inappropriately things to an old family friend who came by. I still have not wrapped my head around what he said and did to her.

Part IV

Later:

Dad yelled out for help. He was face down and pants down on the bed, unable to move. I could not lift him—so, I headed out the front door in search of a strong man. Then, I heard a loud voice say “Karla Scott”. I looked up and saw it was a childhood friend. I informed him he does not realize it but he is my angel. He came in, gave me his number, and told me to call for help anytime.

He ate only two bites of a great breakfast and dinner today. He is very week.

The night is young and I am here alone with Dad.

Part V

Update:

Tonight, as I got Dad ready for sleep, he was begging me again to reveal where Mom is hiding. He says I am cruel to withhold her whereabouts from him. I insisted he KNOWS exactly where she has gone.

I did not give him the anti-anxiety meds for fear of additional side effects.

This was a most difficult Father's Day!

Feeling Overwhelmed

Although much has changed in my family situation (Chicago), I am still busy handling all Dads healthcare affaires and managing the house

On a regular basis, I deal with the following institutions and individuals for Dad.:

Healthcare Agency
Depart on Aging Center
Social Security
Pension Fund
Social Worker
Caregiver 1
Caregiver 2
Caregiver 3
Caregiver 4
Hospice Agency
Nurse
Case Manager
Physician
CNA
Respite Agency
Insurance companies
IRS
County-(property taxes)
Accountant
Lawyer
Banker
Minister
Lawn Maintenance Crew
Newspaper Delivery Folks
Church pastor
Church members
Mom’s friends
Creditors
--Weekly
--Monthly
--Semi-annual
Household Maintenance and Repair People
And more………

of course, there are still all the duties attached to my Mom's passing

Seeing this list helps me understand why I am so mentally fatigued.

Things will be so different now

Things will be so different now.

During my monthly trips home to Chicago, I used to devote 70% of my energy towards caregiving for my Mom. She had been the sick one ever since she had her stroke in January 2005. She was hospitalized several times, stayed in nursing home twice, had physical therapists and multiple nurse and social worker visits. I had to buy incontinence supplies for her, take her hearing aid to be repaired, explore new anti-itch medications, and I chose to decorate the living room for each holiday because she spent her days in the living room etc.

The caregivers’ duties have changed also. They spent most of their energy bathing her, dressing her, changing her, exercising her, walking her/transporting her into the living room, washing and combing her hair, rubbing her with ointments, giving her medicines 3X per day, giving her oxygen treatments (when needed), dressing her wounds, guarding her hearing aids, taking her to the dentist, rushing her to the ER, etc. Putting her to bed was the biggest evening event.

Things will be so different now.

When I walk into the house, she won’t be sitting in her lift chair watching television. I won’t see her face light up when I enter the room……….

I have decided to keep the household caregiver/homemaker routine/schedule the same. The same four ladies come round the clock to maintain the house and care for Dad. It’s familiar and comfortable for Dad.

Dad is bed-ridden. He sleeps most of the day yet he’s awake and calling (for help and company) from about 7PM till after midnight. (He knocks on the wall with his cane when he wants attention)

Dad has officially been a hospice patient since June 2007 (see June 6, 2007 web post). Therefore he has a supportive team of professionals looking out for him including a case manager, nurse, nurse assistants (they come to bathe him 2-3X per week), a kind minister, and of course, a physician that strives to keep him comfortable.

In all, about 10 people are taking care of Dad. Also, on Sundays, a parishioner brings him First Holy Communion.

I am dreading the reality of my next trip.

Those negative sentiments will be offset by the joy of spending time with my 95-year old Dad on Father’s Day.

Heading Home For Father's Day

Victory on 6-03