Asking For Help Is Not Easy

I’ve always prided myself on being fiercely independent – self sufficient to the max-never needing anyone’s help.

Now that Dad is gone and I’m left with an empty house, I probably need help with major life decisions and activities. After all, I am executor of the will and beneficiary of all the residual assets. Dad has no living relatives.

I pray I will have the willingness and wisdom to ask for help and to accept help when offered.

During these times, I’m amazed by how many people offer to help. Often they say let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. I think they really mean it!

I am so unaccustomed to asking for help that in my old way of thinking, I don’t trust them sometimes. I think it’s the perfunctory and polite thing to say.

Hopefully, I am willing…………………

Gratitude

I am grateful I had the strength and resources to honor Mom and Dad's wishes to remain in their home (never going to a nursing home). I kept Mom at home for 3.5 years and Dad for 4.5 years. I modified the house to accommodate two invalids and hired round the clock care. They deserved the best!

I Am Officially An Orphan

William Arthur Scott Lived 96 Years

William Arthur Scott
March 15, 1913–July 10, 2009


"He was a wonderful husband and father

- the kind of real family man you seldom find."

William (Bill) Arthur Scott was born on March 15, 1913 in Tulsa Oklahoma to Arthur Scott and Olivia Dupree. His mother died when he was very young, and Jimmie Scott married his Dad and helped raise him as her son. He attended Guardian Angels Boarding School in Levinworth Texas and graduated from Booker T. Washington High School in the Greenwood district of Tulsa Oklahoma.

Bill was a survivor of the USA’s most brutal incidence of genocide and property damage in the 20th century -The Tulsa Massacre of 1921, in which angry white mobs, backed up by the local government, murdered innocent black citizens, looting and burning till the entire all-black Greenwood section of Tulsa was demolished and the survivors were relocated to detention camps. The attacks left young William and his family of five homeless and destitute. Yet, he overcame the harsh conditions of his childhood, without bitterness, and with a determination to live the American Dream.

He never spoke of the Tulsa Massacre until it gained nationwide attention in 2000, and then only when asked. He preferred to look at the positives in life. With the support of his loving wife Lorraine, he became a model of a family man - a provider, a protector, and a nurturer. He was an example to his beloved daughters, and to neighbors and friends within his community of a caring person devoted to helping and giving. To him, family and community were everything.

As a young man in the 1930s, he migrated to Chicago in search of prosperity. It was on the job at the Jitterbug Restaurant, where he worked as a cook, that he found more than employment. It was from behind the counter there, in 1943, that he fell in love at first sight with Lorraine Joan Hoskins, when he spotted her walking down the street. They became lifelong soul mates and eventually married on April 9, 1944. They lived as a married coupled for 64 years.

Bill served as a cook in the military during WW II, giving many servicemen happy memories of mealtimes, thanks to his gift as a chef. Long after he left cooking as a career, he continued to cook delicious meals for his family, and to treat friends to dinner parties where they sampled his many delectable dishes, including his special BBQ.

Always dutiful and hard working, Bill held multiple jobs to support his family. In his sixties, he even worked three jobs at once including a full time factory job, a part time security guard job, and a clerk position for his local elected official. After 30 years, he retired from Western Electric, where he rotated in several telephone manufacturing positions. While there, he was always on time and never called in sick.

In 1962, Bill and Lorraine adopted two infant sisters and raised them to graduate from college and go onto graduate school. During those years the children were growing up, Bill was always there, doing all that he could to make life beautiful, comfortable, and bountiful. And in the process, he created not only a wonderful life, but many wonderful memories.

Around the house Bill's boundless energy went into the many things that kept family life running smoothly. He was cook, cleaner, handyman, painter, decorator, organizer, housekeeper, suitcase packer, and gift wrapper. He was the Easter-egg dye man, the toy assembler, and EVERY year at Christmas he decorated the house inside and outside. He was also a tree house builder and gardener, who took pride in making the outdoor environment as orderly and attractive as the inside. And on the road he was the family chauffeur and gas station attendant.

Bill placed these demands on himself, and he loved living up to them all- happy to be able to fulfill the dreams that he had for himself, his beloved wife, and his daughters.

For 20 years Bill Scott served the community where he lived as precinct Captain (Chicago's 6th Ward). He took an active leadership role during every election season. He never took the privilege and duty of voting for granted. In fact, he had a passion for participating in the democratic process, and in assisting others in the exercise of the privilege. He went door to door on Chicago's South Side, rain or shine, registering his neighbors during each election season. On Election Day, each year, he provided personal transportation to voters who needed his help.

He was baptized in 1985 At St Dorothy’s Church, where he was an active member of the Knights of Peter Klaver, which he served as group secretary. He was often seen serving Sunday breakfast during all the major church events. His favorite was Mother’s Day.

Predeceased by his daughter Stephanie, his beloved wife, Lorraine, and his only sister, Freddie Payne, he is survived by his daughter, Karla Joy Scott.
****************

Mourner’s Bill Of Rights

You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
You have the right to talk about your grief.
You have the right to feeling multitude of emotions.
You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
You have the right to experience “grief bursts”.
You have the right to make use of ritual.
You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
You have the right to search for meaning.
You have the right to treasure your memories.
You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.

Adapted from www.centerforloss.com by Alan D Wolfelt PhD

Dad May Not Leave Hospital

I just spoke to the hospice nurse at Mercy hospital. Dad vomited Friday night. She believes he will not leave the hospital. He is cold and more unresponsive than ever.

I know he is ready................

Dad in Hospital 3X This Past Month!

Hospice placed Dad in the hospice unit of Mercy 3X since June 7--3 nights, 5 nights, and now, 9+ nights.

He went back last Saturday, June 27; They were going to send him home today; I made those arrangements.

Now, they say he has respitory problems. They will keep him.
I am on the phone NONSTOP with caregivers, Hospice, hospital, agency, and friends who are keepers of the salary checks.

CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE!!!!!