AARP Caregiver Online Support Group

After watching last night’s informative and moving PBS special on Caring for Parents, I joined the AARP online discussion forum.

Here is one conversation:

I watched the PBS special last night with my husband, and it certainly struck a chord. My Mom and Dad moved up to be near us 4 years ago, but we were both totally unprepared for the emotional challenges. Dad passed away last year, and Mom is still living alone near us. While I feel blessed that we are in a position to care for her, it is so difficult to watch her diminish. There is no durable power of attorney, no living will, no health care proxy. She refuses to go to the doctor (although I was successful to at least get to talk to the doctor) so unsure as to what level of dementia or what the source is, but it is clear that she is losing brain function. We think it may be a series of small strokes. I lover her, and just want her to be happy, but it is often like walking in a mine field as I try to get things done. Anyway, I digress. There is a caregiver group near us, but my work schedule and my time spent caring for Mom have prevented me from going as much as I need. I am hoping this forum will help to alleviate some of the loneliness and desparation I sometimes feel. Well, that certainly sounds desparate enough.


My reply:


Dear Fellow Caregiver

I found many parts of the PBS special to be moving. They touched on most of the major issues associated with caring for parents including financial; sibling rivalry; parental resistance; the pain and denial in watching parents decline; Alzheimer’s difficulties navigating health care; grieving losses; strained marriages; female caregiver overload (primary caregivers, full time employees, teens at home, housekeeping, husband, meal preparation, in-law caregiving etc) , anger and resentment etc. They also touched on the joy of doing the right thing---even with those who had less than perfect relationships with their parent (s).

I am a solo long distance caregiver for my invalid parents for 3 years now.

Go to your local Area on Aging Agency and consult all consult your state and city’s department on aging/senior services. It is time consuming but it will pay off if you leave no stone unturned.

I wish you all the best.

Karla